01/28 - Expectations/Needs/Boundaries
Sermon Series: I Do, We Did, Now What?
“For as woman came from man, so also man is born of woman. But everything comes from God.” 1 Corinthians 11:12 (NIV)
“I lift up my eyes to the hills—where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.” Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)
No matter how long you have known someone, you will find out something new once you are married. Sleeping habits are one example. When my husband and I were first married, I never thought about his sleeping habits being vastly different from my own.
I like to sleep like a bat in a cave with total darkness and quiet. My husband likes to sleep with three huge pillows and some kind of noise all night long. I found this out during our first week of marriage. We are ready to go to sleep and he pulls out a big box fan (the kind your parents warned you to keep your fingers away from the blades). I asked him if he was hot, but then noticed he turned the fan away from the bed instead of blowing on us. He answered, “No, I just like to have some noise while I sleep. I’ve done it my whole life.” Well, I had slept like a bat my whole life, so I didn’t get much sleep for the first few weeks of our marriage.
This is one example of how our marriage expectations can be totally different. This small incident would not warrant divorce or marital counseling, but it did require some discussion and compromise on both our parts. We are now the proud owners of a much smaller and quieter white noise machine. No matter how well I know my husband after all these years, we will disappoint each other and will never be able to meet all of each other’s needs or expectations. I love my husband dearly, and he is the love of my life, but the only one who can meet all our needs is God.
I think our society has this idea that marriage and finding the right person to marry will fulfill us and make all that is wrong with our lives right. That is too much pressure for any human being. I found a new freedom once I relied on Christ to be my “everything” instead of my husband. It also lets our spouses off the hook and gives them the freedom to be who God made them to be. This is not to say that we don’t set boundaries for ourselves against being mistreated or abused. That is another story. What it does mean is that we learn to put our hopes and expectations in the only One who can truly meet all our needs—Jesus Christ. Let Him be your “everything.”
Prayer: Dear God, help me to remember that only You can meet all of my needs and expectations. You are the only One who can truly satisfy my heart. When I am hurt or disappointed by my spouse, help me to give them the grace that I would want them to give to me if the tables were turned. Help me to look to You for help in resolving conflicts and differences instead of doing it alone. I pray that you would always be my first love in my life and that I would choose first and foremost to be in love with You. Amen.